I think a lot of my ego identity is constructed around being non-conformist, sticking my head out, not being scared off by what others think.... but it's so not true, i'm terrified. I've always carefully navigated myself into areas where it's ok to non-confirm. But to actually allow the heart it's sovereignty, it feels like I actually might get killed.
To make matters worse my heart doesn't seem to have a voice, it speaks through sensations and symbols... I can't tease out where it's taking me. I'm increasingly building trust in it, I really do love and adore it, and i'm willing, but it leaves me feeling like i've no idea what I need to do. I'm confused, uncertain. And it calls bullshit on that.
I've been reflecting on 'trying' as a result... I feel like i'm trying to be myself, or speak more freely, or do something that's more aligned. It feels like i'm ABOUT to do these things, i'm being drawn into it, and so my brain wants to think about how to do it, or how to do it well. Who am here to serve? Who am I? But I also get it's going to be about allowing and being.
I hear you. A beautifully sincere comment! This is the dance. Sounds like the heart is speaking, just not in the way your mind wants it to. It wants logic, a predefined path. That would make it feel safe but it doesn’t seem to work that way. We just get breadcrumbs. All I can say from my experience is following those ‘sensations and symbols’, slowly but boldly will lead you to wherever you need to be. It’s a new way to navigate for sure! Often it takes you in a direction that makes no logical sense and toward the fear because that is what needs to be faced in order to return to your Self. The mind can be a pain in the ass with all its ‘trying’ 🤣 trying to figure it all out. Impatient. Etc etc it’ll get the message eventually, it’s not the one driving. I don’t think it ever was.
Trusting and letting rip seems to be the way alright 🙌😃
I think a lot of my ego identity is constructed around being non-conformist, sticking my head out, not being scared off by what others think.... but it's so not true, i'm terrified. I've always carefully navigated myself into areas where it's ok to non-confirm. But to actually allow the heart it's sovereignty, it feels like I actually might get killed.
To make matters worse my heart doesn't seem to have a voice, it speaks through sensations and symbols... I can't tease out where it's taking me. I'm increasingly building trust in it, I really do love and adore it, and i'm willing, but it leaves me feeling like i've no idea what I need to do. I'm confused, uncertain. And it calls bullshit on that.
I've been reflecting on 'trying' as a result... I feel like i'm trying to be myself, or speak more freely, or do something that's more aligned. It feels like i'm ABOUT to do these things, i'm being drawn into it, and so my brain wants to think about how to do it, or how to do it well. Who am here to serve? Who am I? But I also get it's going to be about allowing and being.
So.... let's let rip I guess!
I hear you. A beautifully sincere comment! This is the dance. Sounds like the heart is speaking, just not in the way your mind wants it to. It wants logic, a predefined path. That would make it feel safe but it doesn’t seem to work that way. We just get breadcrumbs. All I can say from my experience is following those ‘sensations and symbols’, slowly but boldly will lead you to wherever you need to be. It’s a new way to navigate for sure! Often it takes you in a direction that makes no logical sense and toward the fear because that is what needs to be faced in order to return to your Self. The mind can be a pain in the ass with all its ‘trying’ 🤣 trying to figure it all out. Impatient. Etc etc it’ll get the message eventually, it’s not the one driving. I don’t think it ever was.
Trusting and letting rip seems to be the way alright 🙌😃
Thank you so much for your authentic work and shares Kieran, so much love for it!